Thursday, April 25, 2013

love and marriage: wrapping it up

I have had a great time participating in the Love & Marriage series. The final post is just a wrap-up, or any other reflections on marriage.

We sadly joke that our wedding was cursed. It was relatively small - only 100 people - and there have been six couples that have gotten a divorce and a seventh that separated but reconciled (and an eighth that has courted separation rumors for years). That is a HUGE percentage, and we have only been married for three years. I think it really goes to show you that being married is hard sometimes and that statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce is real.

People tell you all kinds of things before you get married, but I think some things you have to learn on your own. I tried to think of a few things beyond "never go to bed angry" and try to put into words what some things are really like.

Us, at a wedding - our friends, David and Mandy (Hi Mandy!)

Things I wish people had told me before I got married:

- Your life will never be 100% what you want to do ever again (and that's okay).

- You will see the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sickness and health is no joke, especially when your husband has a drain in his abdomen three months after saying your vows (when your husband's appendix bursts, it's not an easy recovery!).

- Know when to ask for help (or pay someone for it!). This has saved us many, many arguments.

- You will fall into a routine. You can shake it up. Just try. But being married to your best friend should never be boring.

- Marriage takes effort, but has great rewards. You aren't just living your life anymore; everything you do has a direct effect on someone else. At the same time, you won't experience anything on your own. Having someone with you for the big things and the little things, a person who is always there and gets it and gets you is well worth the stupid day-to-day disagreements.

To be honest? I love being married. It suits me. It's worth the small sacrifices, like less alone time and having to share the couch with another person. My best friend is legally bound to me for life. How cool is that?

Making it legal

What's the best marriage advice you have to give, or you've received?


5 comments:

  1. 100 people is a "small" wedding? wow!! lol That's good to know. I do feel that marriage is for certain people and I'm glad that you are happy and enjoy it! I'm still trying to decide if its something I ever want to do.

    I always write the same thing on the advice cards. I cannot remember where I read it from but it is "Don't go to sleep angry. Stay up and keep fighting!" It sounds kind of negative but to me it makes sense and basically says "work it out." I hope I didn't offend anyone with it lol

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  2. Love that first point: your life will never 100% be what you want to do again and that's okay. Something that is truly resonating with me right now, especially after having a baby.

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  3. These are great reminders about marriage. Divorce just isn't an option and sickness & health is for real!!! You're a beautiful bride!

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  4. I love every single one of these points! They are all so true!

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  5. I've enjoyed reading your Love & Marriage series posts. I told David I was going to make him read your post on keeping things interesting. We have definitely fallen into a routine and I would love some surprises every so often.

    I love that you included a picture from David and I's wedding. :) And thanks for the shout-out!

    My favorite lines from this post: My best friend is legally bound to me for life. How cool is that? (Love it!)

    As for the marriage advice... I tend to disagree with the "never go to bed angry" one. Is that bad? Sometimes I think it is best to get some rest and approach the argument with a fresh mind in the morning. 'Course if you're both super upset -- a good night sleep may be hard to obtain. I've also heard "Find out what she wants and get it for her" and David's motto has always been, "Happy Wife, Happy Life."

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