Imagine a baby that looks like these two kiddos combined. Also, I still adore this pic of Andrew and yes, I pretty much look the same now as I did when I was two.
Dear Traditionally-Named Baby M,
Hi. Welcome to our house. If we are lucky, you will come out of the womb mostly potty-trained and with a sense of humor matching that of your mom and dad. There will be no lullabies for you; no, you will be raised with a strict musical repertoire including but not limited to The Beatles, the Lumineers, and maybe a few Blink 182 songs that don't include bad language if Daddy gets his way (and some crappy pop music if Mommy gets hers). Regardless of if you are a boy or girl, your favorite color will be Giants blue and you won't even know that any other football team exists, especially that damn Dallas team. Oh, and you better get some teeth early because you will have to be dad's chief brisket taster early on. Mama is tired of red meat.
Little baby, your dad already swears that you won't know what chicken nuggets are. He has already vowed that he will tell you that only bad kids get to eat at McDonald's. Same with those racecar carts in the grocery store - he is going to tell you that those are used for punishment. I'm going to let him because I'm not a fan of either. What will you get from me? A fondness for naps and cupcakes, first and foremost. You will rarely meet a dessert you don't like, unless it's tres leches. Who likes soggy cake? Not us.
You will surely have pale complexion for someone with your Latin last name and spend your life explaining to people that you are a quarter Mexican, a quarter Puerto Rican, and half "white," whatever that means anymore. If you are a girl you will have long hair and if you are a boy, you will go to the same hair lady that your dad and grandpa have gone to for the past 20 years and probably have a haircut similar to theirs. Mom will instill in you a love of reading Harry Potter and Dad will want you to be a baseball player - mostly if you're a boy, though he wouldn't oppose a softball player if you're a girl. Hopefully you'll have your mom's ability to stay slightly cooler under pressure but your dad's quick wit and amazing memory.
Kid, you will have no choice but to love pop culture. We will watch Sesame Street, but only the segments with celebrities. You'll think that SportsCenter and HGTV were made for kids and go to sleep with articles from Entertainment Weekly dancing in your head. But we will teach you to think and talk about these things and be a constant source of entertainment for us. Mostly, we would hope that you are happy, healthy, and a fun addition to our family. Your four-legged brothers are already pretty awesome, so there are some pretty high standards waiting for you.
So, what would you say in a letter to your potential future kid?