Tuesday, December 3, 2013

things I want to ban from instagram

People are all in an uproar because there are instagram ads now. I rarely ever see them, so honestly? They don't bother me. But there are lots of things I see on instagram and facebook that I wish I could ban forever... or at least mostly unsee.

someecards.com - I'd pay $1 billion for you to stop sharing your Instagram photos with me
Okay, maybe not a billion but...

1) Animal carcasses: I get it. I eat meat, too. That doesn't mean I need to see the gory details of how that venison got on your plate. I'm squeamish, I have never shot a gun before, and to me that is still Bambi. Just because you did it doesn't mean everyone wants to see it. Save that for a direct email or text messages to your friends who understand the work or effort or whatever went into it.

2) Breastfeeding babies: I am probably going to catch hell for this, so come at me. I have no issue with breastfeeding at all and how you raise your child is totally up to you. Buuuuut... when  your nipple is on my instagram, I'm just not a fan. When little Johnny is a freshman in high school, won't it be a little traumatic for him to see his cute little baby face and mama's bathing suit area in the same shot on the internet for the world? Bond with your baby, feed it however you please, and even photograph it - but really, there is no need to run it through Toaster or X-Pro to see how many likes you'll get. I promise, your baby will do way cuter things that won't make him turn as red when he finds your outdated Instagram account in 18 years.

3) Starbucks cups: For the love of all that is holy, I drink Starbucks, you drink Starbucks, we all drink Starbucks (because we all shop at Target and it's so convenient, duh). I do not need to see your Starbucks cup. I don't care if it's red. It might be kind of funny if they spell your name wrong, I'll give you that. But for the most part, $4 coffee trips can totally be kept to oneself.

4) Shop My Closet Sales: Can you just use twitter for this instead? Please?

5) iPhone notes, instagrammed: There's this cool thing called Twitter that you probably have. Yeah, I know 140 characters is hard sometimes but it forces you to be creative and succinct. I like that. This especially bothered me when the default Notes font was so Comic Sans-esque. You have twitter, Facebook, and probably a blog. Say what you need to say there, please!

Honorable Mention: I really, really hated Instagram video til my smart friend Sarah told me I could stop them from playing automatically. You're able to build up a lot of rage when you are too lazy to dig into your settings.

So, these are a few of my least favorite Instagram things. What do you hate to see there? I hope it isn't food or cats or else you probably hate following me... But if you're into that, find me here.

   Glossy Blonde


  1. I totally laughed out loud at the breast feeding one! I don't have any friends who share that, which is okay by me! Even kid bum pictures make me squeamish, especially once that kid is old enough to walk. And I'm totally guilty of sharing my Starbucks cup haha.

  2. LOL! i have never seen a BFing IG but that made me laugh.

    and when i heard about IG videos, i never downloaded the update and still haven't because i KNOW for a fact that a video playing when i didn't tell it to would annoy the hell out of me!!

    i'm not on IG a lot anymore; i just read through a few things at random times like when i'm waiting in line or taking a dump. like you even needed to read about that LOL.

    Vodka and Soda

  3. Who the hell are you friends with on IG, posting all this craziness???? Haha!! I love this! I don't see a lot of hunting pics but that would gross me out too. Breast feeding pics?! The red cup is so old, i am over it too. So glad dog and food pics are still ok, because otherwise I would be banned! :)

  4. Whew I've committed none of the above offenses, you had me worried!!!

    I love seeing people's children BUT I don't need 10 Instagram pictures of your child a day. Sorry not sorry.

  5. hahaha this is hilarious! I especially hate the iPhone notes!

  6. Number 5 is my pet peeve too, it bugs me so much! Tweet it or blog it, don't instagram words... you're doing it wrong!

    #4... I hear ya. That said, I have a shop my closet going on at my blog and was told to put it on instagram... if I didn't have instagram followers that I didn't want knowing about my blog, I would totally put it up there. Mainly cuz I'm desperate.

    Uh number 1 and 2... who are you friends with??

  7. Ewww I have never seen someone breastfeeding on Instagram or Facebook and I'm so glad for this! Not that breastfeeding itself is gross, but I don't want to see a photo of it either!

  8. Totally with you on the nipples and notes! The closets don't bother me, as long as they have a separate account for it...that way if I chose not to shop I won't be bothered. I hate the blurry photos. It doesn't matter how many filter you apply, they will still be blurry...

  9. This is my favorite. People abuse Instagram so much.

    I am with you on the breastfeeding. Why does it need to be all over social media? You don't see people who are bottle feeding posting everywhere, so why do we care?

    The closet sales are horrendous. Do they even work? Some of the things people sell are ridiculous, like a $15 tank top from Old Navy. Why would I buy yours when I can go buy a brand new one?!?!

  10. No no no no no to sales of any kind. Stop it. I also dislike blurry photos unless the subject is clearly in motion.

    I love instagram and overload it with photos of coffee, dogs, sky, and feet. Whoops.

  11. I've never seen #2, thank goodness. I would just die.

  12. Ewwww... people really post animal carcasses and breastfeeding?

  13. YAY I got called smart in your post! Haha I felt that same rage at first and then someone else told me that so I figured I should pay it forward. I totally agree on the breast feeding thing. I do not think you should post some things online. I also feel this way about naked pregnant bellies or topless moms right after giving birth, I just think it's a lot of skin, and you should think before you show some things to everyone who follows you. It's going to embarrass you or someone else at some point! I've even posted a couple pictures before that I am embarrassed about now.

  14. Breastfeeding on Instagram? Yikes!!! I can't stand having to see people doing that out in public either. It is called a restroom, go there sometime. Or your car with a blanket. Or anywhere where the public doesn't have to see you and feel awkward and uncomfortable!

    I get tired of seeing people trying to sell stuff on Instagram. Fine whatever if you post stuff on Facebook to get rid of but Instagram too? Seriously?

    iPhone notes are stupid too.

    Duck face selfies are getting old.

  15. Hilarious post Lauren! Made my day. I'm with you on the dead animals. BFing doesn't bother me, but I get that it is too much. I'm so guilty of the red cup and realize how annoying that is...noted. It just shows you how boring my life is! I actually like the sales, but agree with someone who commented that creating a seperate account for selling is a good idea so you can choose to follow. Notes are the worst!!! Things to add: picture overload from your perfect vacation (no one needs to see every stop you made), contest photo shares and manicure pics (these actually are good, but make me feel bad that my nails always look terrible).

  16. lord, if i see another breast feeding photo on instagram ....UGH! make them go away.

  17. Am I the only person who hasn't seen a breast feeding photo on any social media?!?! Hahahah! I'm with you on the ads... I've only seen a couple of them. And I'd rather see ads and have it be free than pay to use it. #cheap

  18. Aaaaand this is why I'm not on Instagram :) I think I agree with all except the Starbucks cups. I'm guilty of posting those haha Mostly cause I'm just so excited to have one. Next time, I'm taking a picture of my cup and dedicating it to you!

    The only one I'm guilty of is the starbucks cup. But there's always other things in the picture. Like me and my kindle chillin with the starbucks cup at starbucks for lunch outside. OR if it's Fridays then my cup is covering my face for TCIF. Mostly my IG feed is food, coffee, and my kid.

  20. Yes! None of these. But I may be guilty of too much spaghetti squash and "#paleo" eek.

  21. OK I am totally guilty of the Iphone notes on Instagram, but...


    So true about the DEAD FREAKING ANIMALS

    and Starbucks.

    Seriously, Starbucks.

    Just. WHY.

  22. iPhone notes, haha YES! I hope I never see a dead animal. Yuck.


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