Thursday, January 9, 2014

see more good

So after yesterday's post (loved the comments, btw) I have to write in paragraph form today, right? Because tomorrow's post will be a list since Five on Friday is my favorite gimme post of the week and all... so let's get real.

Being real is a thing I struggle with in the blog world. Not because I think I'm ever NOT real - one of the best blogging compliments I have ever received (from Rachelle) is that I am the same in real life as I am here on my blog - but because I wonder how much of my realness y'all can handle. Sometimes I'm a jerk. More often than I would like to be. I am quick to speak my mind and I often see the negative before the positive. Sure, it's funny when we can all make fun of Miley Cyrus together, but for whatever reason, I want to at least joke about and nitpick almost everything. If it bugs me or annoys me, I want to share it with you so we can be annoyed together. And while that is all well and good and I am entitled to my opinion, I shouldn't have so many of these opinions that I need to share. While I rarely feel it occurs in an intentionally mean and spiteful way, it doesn't need to happen as much. I guess my mouth operates with a misery loves company way.

I've felt pretty convicted by a few things I've read lately: first was something in the blog Pretty Providence that my friend Sarah co-writes with her friend Jessica, who I don't know. This post was actually written by the other blogger, or else I would worry that I was one of the people she was talking about. In it, Jessica writes (emphasis mine):

...There are others who are constantly down, constantly worried, lift themselves by gossiping and belittling others and feel tremendously overwhelmed by the slightest inconvenience. When I am around “that person” it is so easy to talk about others, so easy to see all the negative in my life. So easy to wallow.

Ouch. I'm a worrier. I love work gossip. I am the Queen of Overwhelmed by Inconvenience. I like to chalk this up to my personality, but is obviously behavior I learned somewhere along the way. I like to think many women are natural worriers, and a little gossip never hurt anyone, right? But I never stopped to think of the affect my attitude has on my friends. I don't want to make you wallow! In my head, my complaining is funny and true, but too much of it breeds negativity. I'm turning 30 this year; it's time for that to stop.

So this idea was in my head and I read Stephanie's post and felt like these lines hit too close to home. Not in the context she was discussing, really, but in general:

Stop being a 'woe is me' petulant child, rallying your friends to support you in a raging outcry against the 'haters.' It's as obnoxious as it is fruitless.


I start many conversations by detailing a situation and asking "But am I crazy?" expecting to hear the word No. And sometimes, maybe I'm not crazy, but the need I feel to find support for whatever I am irritated with on any given day is part of why I ask for that confirmation. If I'm not crazy, then you can see the ridiculousness of the situation, and I am right in my feelings. I need to learn that I can be annoyed privately more often. If I can't say something nice, then I shouldn't go tell someone else the unkind thought I just had.

So all of this to say - I'm trying. I want the real-ness here to be the real that is happening in my head. Not a sanitized version of the truth so you don't think I'm a terrible person and stop following me. I want the real-ness to be more positive and less snarky. I'm going to work on it. I still need my people who can see the real me because some things in life are crazy and deserve to be mocked. But mocking doesn't have to be my first thought. And it doesn't have to be what I share first and foremost. I want to see more good and I want to share that. I want to start sharing something good with you every Friday - a blog post, an article, a cute puppy, something that reminds me of the inherent goodness in people. A reminder that even when humans do crazy things (me most definitely included), that there are amazing things in the world to be shared. I think looking out for my See More Good of the week will help keep it in my mind more often than just writing this post and being done. So, make sure you check back every Friday to see if I'm sticking with it.

I didn't make a new year's resolution but - here's to real me being less of a jerk in 2014!

I didn't want a second post in a row with no pics so here's a reminder for me since I'm pretty visual anyway. Also, there's fairy dust so you know it's good.




24 comments:

  1. there's nothing wrong with venting about something that's annoying but the important part is to let it go. most of the time, i'm way too lazy to make a big deal of something so it just rolls off my back but then there are days when the smallest thing annoys the hell out of me and i go off. so we are allowed to have our days where sometimes we need to vent to others (and maybe confirm that we aren't really crazy?) but what steph said is right - we shouldn't be like that all the time. and if you really think about it, things that annoy you (not YOU, lauren but general you) only annoy you because you let it. if you just decide to ignore it and drop it, it won't even affect you.

    or maybe you should just be like me and let laziness rule your life so nothing bothers you! :D

    kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  2. Sometimes it is really hard not to be negative about something that is bothering you and wanting/needing to vent about it. Sometimes it is hard not to get caught up in the gossip either! At my previous job, I had a co-worker that was just so damn negative every day. While we all dont "want to be at work," most of us can suck it up and say good morning to each other, and be just generally pleasant and not complain about EVERYTHING we do. She couldnt. Every morning you could ask her good morning, how are you and she would literally tell you how she was. It was bad every day. She would cuss when she was filing things, call every person an idiot, huff and puff while waiting for her computer to load a document. She let everything get to her. I was friends with 3 of the girls there, and sometimes at lunch we would sit there and complain about how horrible she was all the time. Sure, we all vented to each other about ridiculous things throughout the day, or made some remark about it being 5 yet when you know it isnt even lunch. But being around that one women was just so draining. And we made it worse by complaining about her complaining every day!

    Sometimes when I am complaining about something, I think....gosh I hope I dont sound like so and so all the time. I dont think there is another person like her out there though. Haha. No one can be that bad.

    Anyways, I dont even know where I am going with my comment but I love coming and reading your blog. I dont really think of you as a negative person, so dont feel like you come across that way. It never hurts to bring a little extra happy though, so I look forward to seeing your posts on Friday :)

    And if you need someone to be snarky or vent or gossip to, hit me up! I work with 3 men all day that I can be none of those things with and it really makes me sad lol.

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  3. First of all, I see where you're going with this and I understand your desire to be better. We all want to see the good before the bad. But I just feel like I have to say that being real is what I love so much about you. I know we all say things sometimes that we wish we wouldn't, but the point is saying them to the right people. When you mock or vent with me, I'm never on the other side thinking "omg what a miserable hag." You are equally good. You are kind and sweet and thoughtful. You are supportive and honest. Seeing the bad is sometimes just the natural reaction. I support you being less of a jerk in 2014 if that's what you want--but don't lose you. J often confuses his "wit" and "sarcasm" as meanness and negativity. I don't think you are harsh or say anything untrue. I don't think you pick out of the nastiness in your heart. I think you call things like they are. And I respect you for that. The fact that you do it in a lighthearted and funny spirit makes me like you even more because even If I was the person you were mocking, I'd see the truth in a funny way and think "oh god she's right!" All of this to say, I like you. As you are. And while we can all stand to be a little nicer, I don't think you're as big of a jerk as you think you are.

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  4. I feel like sometimes I walk a fine line between seeing the good, feeling grateful, and being down and a tad jaded. But I def feel better when I am more optimistic of things. Great post, chickie!

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  5. So this post is awesome! First of all I would not call you a jerk. Just sassy. People like you because we all have that side to us and it's fun to find someone we can identify with in that way. We are all jerks sometimes, if there was a communal douchebag jar we'd all have to put a couple bucks in it here and there. But I think it's always good to try to let less things bug you. Most of the time we are can find justification in being annoyed, but when I am in a good phase- in the habit of deciding not to talk about an annoyance or even give it a second thought, less things irritate me! It's like a snowball, I think. The habit of finding fault results in more fault-finding.

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  6. I am not naturally a super optimistic person, but I am not really pessimistic either. I call myself a realist. However, lately, I have caught myself complaining a lot, mainly about work situations. And while some of it may be justified, I am trying to make a conscious effort to choose not to complain.

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  7. I have a horrible time being annoyed privately and work gossip was my favorite pass time when I worked in an office.

    I think recognizing you're doing it will help you to limit it. When I make a conscience effort I usually have success.

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  8. I like to take my life's inconveniences and hates and at least try to make other people laugh at them. If you can't laugh, what can you do.

    That being said, I dislike people who are always preaching positive all the time - you can't BE positive all the time without also being delusional. Worrying, kvetching, bitching are part of life just like smiling, laughing, and dreaming.

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  9. I tend to be on the happy go lucky side but trust me girl I vent. Everyone needs to at some point. Learning to let it go though is important. I try to use the 5 min, 5 week, 5 days, 5 month method. If it will not matter to me in 5 months I don't want it on my blog, I'll save it for a close personal friend or colleague. I do love your sass though!

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  10. I need to focus more on letting go too. And if I'm around other people who are also negative about a situation or person, I'll totally feed on that!

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  11. I need to focus more on letting go too. And if I'm around other people who are also negative about a situation or person, I'll totally feed on that!

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  12. I love your real-ness, I think the venting is necessary sometimes. It's not like you're this super negative person who posts something whiny or a cry for attention every day. Trust me, I know people and bloggers just like that, and it's a horrible drag. You're like me - 'hey doesn't it suck when people drive like crap? yes it does, let's all commiserate and tell horror stories' but then we go about our day. I think that's different than constantly blogging 'omg this person was so mean, here's what they said, tell me I'm wonderful and they're wrong!' Venting about something the whole world can relate to versus seeking attention for something that is unique to you is the difference that gets me to unfollow a blog.
    That being said, I balance posts like yesterday with posts like my 'little life wins' that I also do once a month. I like to keep the mood light!

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  13. i too fall into the habit of making comments that probably don't need to be said and are rude. i will probably try and join you in this quest to be less of a jerk in 2014

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  14. Your posts yesterday and today have been spot on! I tried to comment on yesterday's from my iPad and that comment is floating out in cyber space somewhere, but I am with you on liking longer posts, especially from bloggers I really like. There are some bloggers who never write more than just a few sentences/bullet points and I wonder what the point is.

    I LOVE when a blogger I really like has a longer post. I get so disappointed when someone I really like has a great post and it just ends abruptly. Its like a good book and I'm sad when it is over!

    As for needing to be less negative, I totally need that in my life. But, like the others have mentioned, I don't think you are super negative or a jerk at all. It is normal to feel rage-y at stuff especially when it is funny. I mean, if everyone was pooping puppies and rainbows all the time, life would be so boring.

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  15. I struggle too, friend. My issue is that I can be so overly nice (by nature, I swear!) that when people don't respond in the same way I get pissed the fuck off in a BADDDDD way. Talk about a 180. That's what we're here for though, right? To live, to learn. :)

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  16. Wow this really made me think. I never thought about the negative affect my complaining might have on others. On of my resolutions this year was to not complain at work. My company isn't paying me to complain right, my co-workers have been good at reminding me when I'm starting to get carried away. I'm appreciative of it actually! Great post! It changed my views on things for sure!

    Angi@ cantbuymelovvve.blogpsot.com

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  17. it's awesome when you read something that makes you stop and think about yourself and reflect on your life. If it's one of those things that make you want to be better, then GREAT, but don't be too hard on yourself.

    I feel like most of the time I try to be super positive and focus on the GOOD. But, then other times (like today on my blog) I just needed a second to talk about how sometimes life really beats you up mentally and physically.

    Anyways, all this to say....i think you're awesome and it's great you're pushing to be better, but don't be too hard on yourself!

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  18. I went back and read your post from yesterday - I'm guilty of bullet points a lot. My mind is just so random that it helps, rather than having to think of a segue from one paragraph to the next.

    And I hear ya, it's definitely good to see the good in life. Sometimes it can be hard but I'm sure it's totally worth it.

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  19. I know what you feel. And sometimes it is hard to find the positive in anything for that matter. That's when I look up Humor things on Pinterest! I am with you My revolution (yes, revolution...I'm bold like that) for 2014 is to do better. Better in everything. More positive. It's hard, but "they" (whoever they are) say that it becomes easier. So bring on the cute puppies...

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  20. Great post, go you for being real and being honest about stuff you want to work on.

    I tend to lean towards the negative side of things, so I can relate. It's something I have to constantly work on!

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  21. I don't think of you as a jerk! I agree with the comments people have been leaving: I will support you because this is the change you want to make, but be sure to keep you "you."

    I love gossiping, too, unfortunately. I think it's because I always want to know what's going on. But if I think I'm indulging too much, I remember that if I'm gossiping about people, they could very likely be gossiping about me. That's when I change my mindset: I treat others how I want to be treated (that golden rule).

    Looking forward to what you're going to share on Friday (well... today). :)

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  22. You are totally not a jerk; quite the opposite! We still haven't met in person (tear) yet you've gone out of your way to send cards (thanks for the preggers warning ha!) and keep in touch over all these months!
    I try to stay a happy, positive person because I've been around too many negative people growing up. If I hang out with someone and they are too negative they literally DRAIN me. So I cut the cord! I think all chicas have a little gossipy side in them! As long as you let it go and don't dwell on stuff it's okay!
    Don't even lose your snark or sass! And now I need to see this sass in person.

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  23. You are totally NOT a jerk, but I get what you're saying. It can be fun to snark and rally other snarky people with you, but as long as you aren't being harmful to someone, I don't see the problem! I think there's just a fine line on what's ok and what isn't.

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  24. This was convicting girl! You know I love that you are real, you're real about what you're thinking about but also how you see yourself and how you want to grow yourself. It takes a strong woman to do that. You're quite the example for all of us Lauren!

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I like comments and read them all but I'm not great about responding to them, so please don't be offended. I would much rather visit your blog instead!