Being real is a thing I struggle with in the blog world. Not because I think I'm ever NOT real - one of the best blogging compliments I have ever received (from Rachelle) is that I am the same in real life as I am here on my blog - but because I wonder how much of my realness y'all can handle. Sometimes I'm a jerk. More often than I would like to be. I am quick to speak my mind and I often see the negative before the positive. Sure, it's funny when we can all make fun of Miley Cyrus together, but for whatever reason, I want to at least joke about and nitpick almost everything. If it bugs me or annoys me, I want to share it with you so we can be annoyed together. And while that is all well and good and I am entitled to my opinion, I shouldn't have so many of these opinions that I need to share. While I rarely feel it occurs in an intentionally mean and spiteful way, it doesn't need to happen as much. I guess my mouth operates with a misery loves company way.
I've felt pretty convicted by a few things I've read lately: first was something in the blog Pretty Providence that my friend Sarah co-writes with her friend Jessica, who I don't know. This post was actually written by the other blogger, or else I would worry that I was one of the people she was talking about. In it, Jessica writes (emphasis mine):
...There are others who are constantly down, constantly worried, lift themselves by gossiping and belittling others and feel tremendously overwhelmed by the slightest inconvenience. When I am around “that person” it is so easy to talk about others, so easy to see all the negative in my life. So easy to wallow.
Ouch. I'm a worrier. I love work gossip. I am the Queen of Overwhelmed by Inconvenience. I like to chalk this up to my personality, but is obviously behavior I learned somewhere along the way. I like to think many women are natural worriers, and a little gossip never hurt anyone, right? But I never stopped to think of the affect my attitude has on my friends. I don't want to make you wallow! In my head, my complaining is funny and true, but too much of it breeds negativity. I'm turning 30 this year; it's time for that to stop.
So this idea was in my head and I read Stephanie's post and felt like these lines hit too close to home. Not in the context she was discussing, really, but in general:
I start many conversations by detailing a situation and asking "But am I crazy?" expecting to hear the word No. And sometimes, maybe I'm not crazy, but the need I feel to find support for whatever I am irritated with on any given day is part of why I ask for that confirmation. If I'm not crazy, then you can see the ridiculousness of the situation, and I am right in my feelings. I need to learn that I can be annoyed privately more often. If I can't say something nice, then I shouldn't go tell someone else the unkind thought I just had.
So all of this to say - I'm trying. I want the real-ness here to be the real that is happening in my head. Not a sanitized version of the truth so you don't think I'm a terrible person and stop following me. I want the real-ness to be more positive and less snarky. I'm going to work on it. I still need my people who can see the real me because some things in life are crazy and deserve to be mocked. But mocking doesn't have to be my first thought. And it doesn't have to be what I share first and foremost. I want to see more good and I want to share that. I want to start sharing something good with you every Friday - a blog post, an article, a cute puppy, something that reminds me of the inherent goodness in people. A reminder that even when humans do crazy things (me most definitely included), that there are amazing things in the world to be shared. I think looking out for my See More Good of the week will help keep it in my mind more often than just writing this post and being done. So, make sure you check back every Friday to see if I'm sticking with it.
I didn't make a new year's resolution but - here's to real me being less of a jerk in 2014!
I didn't want a second post in a row with no pics so here's a reminder for me since I'm pretty visual anyway. Also, there's fairy dust so you know it's good.