1. (Try to) Prevent Bauer from eating a tree roach. They're huge things that come around every summer up your sink drains or wiggling in through a crack. They have nothing to do with filth and everything to do with climate. Bauer likes to tear their heads off in the middle of the night and bring the bodies into our bedroom.
This is a pretty accurate reenactment, but I neither have a pic of Bauer actually playing with a roach nor do I want to make you vomit seeing a real one.
2. Get one hundred mosquito bites. There's something about me (my sweet personality, probably) that draws mosquitoes to me. I can be outside with someone else standing next to them and end up with a ton of bites while they have, like, one. This is not a useful talent.
3. Feel unhappy in a bathing suit. Sorry y'all, but I lack body confidence. I can pretend all I want when I'm wearing real clothes but all I want to do when I wear a bathing suit is wrap up in a towel as soon as possible.
4. Sweat so much I think I had an accident. Okay, not really, but I was outside wearing a maxi skirt the other day and as I took a step, I think I felt sweat go from my lower back and just fall to the crease behind my knee. It was odd and I did question my control for a fraction of a second.
5. Get irrationally annoyed over car thermometer pictures. We get it, it's hot. I don't need instagram to tell me that when I have a perfectly good iPhone, or better yet, because I'm a conscious human being who can feel the heat from a thousand suns turning my car into an oven.
6. Eat ice cream and drink iced coffee. But who am I kidding? I do this year-round, regardless of the temperature anyway.
Just a small selection of the coffee and ice cream pics on my phone... don't judge, but I didn't include them all...
Any other summertime scrooges out there? Let's commiserate in our air conditioned houses!