Monday, June 9, 2014

things I will do this summer (but not a bucket list)

If you've written a summer bucket list, I marked that sucker as read. Like I said last week, I don't like summer. For several reasons. In response to your bucket list I didn't read, here are some things I will guarantee I will do this summer that are not on your bucket list.

1. (Try to) Prevent Bauer from eating a tree roach. They're huge things that come around every summer up your sink drains or wiggling in through a crack. They have nothing to do with filth and everything to do with climate. Bauer likes to tear their heads off in the middle of the night and bring the bodies into our bedroom.

This is a pretty accurate reenactment, but I neither have a pic of Bauer actually playing with a roach nor do I want to make you vomit seeing a real one.

2. Get one hundred mosquito bites. There's something about me (my sweet personality, probably) that draws mosquitoes to me. I can be outside with someone else standing next to them and end up with a ton of bites while they have, like, one. This is not a useful talent.

3. Feel unhappy in a bathing suit. Sorry y'all, but I lack body confidence. I can pretend all I want when I'm wearing real clothes but all I want to do when I wear a bathing suit is wrap up in a towel as soon as possible.

4. Sweat so much I think I had an accident. Okay, not really,  but I was outside wearing a maxi skirt the other day and as I took a step, I think I felt sweat go from my lower back and just fall to the crease behind my knee. It was odd and I did question my control for a fraction of a second.

5. Get irrationally annoyed over car thermometer pictures. We get it, it's hot. I don't need instagram to tell me that when I have a perfectly good iPhone, or better yet, because I'm a conscious human being who can feel the heat from a thousand suns turning my car into an oven.

6. Eat ice cream and drink iced coffee. But who am I kidding? I do this year-round, regardless of the temperature anyway.

Just a small selection of the coffee and ice cream pics on my phone... don't judge, but I didn't include them all...

Any other summertime scrooges out there? Let's commiserate in our air conditioned houses!

33 comments:

  1. Haha I drink Iced Coffee and eat ice cream year round as well although I am one of those that Loves Summer. Mainly b/c I was born in the summer and grew up in the South so it's like home :)

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  2. this summer, i vowed not to complain about the heat because we had an awful and lonnnnggg winter so i'm enjoying every second of the heat :)

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  3. Oh my gosh, I'm going to think of those roaches now every time I want to complain about not living in a warmer climate...that's just the grossest thing I've ever heard! And yes to ice cream and iced coffee!

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  4. I made a summer to-do list last night (not on the blog, just on paper...the old fashioned way!), but I wouldn't call it a bucket list either. I view bucket lists as lists of adventurous things that you're almost daring yourself to do. My to-do list has things like organize the bathroom drawers, get the carpets steam cleaned, make a will, and paint my toe nails (yes, that made it on the list. No, it hasn't happened yet!).

    I LOVE your list though. Hilarious! And I can relate to a lot of it, particularly about the heat and sweating. I like certain aspects of summer, but most of it is nostalgia remembering what it was like as a kid. The reality is, my life is no different, just much hotter. And I hate being hot.

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  5. I'm not a summer lover. I love things about summer, but it's my least favorite season. Thank you heat and humidity.

    Do not get me started on the car thermometer photos. Do not.

    I hate bathing suits because I find them intensely uncomfortable.

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  6. Ice cream is a summer food? ;)

    I am the same way with bug bites! I read an article a while back that said specific blood types are more susceptible to bug bites and of course my blood type was the one mosquitoes like most!

    This is not the same article I read but very similar with the same information ... http://scienceline.org/2007/09/ask-knight-mosquitoes/
    Not sure how accurate this theory is but it is a possible explanation.

    Does Texas have sand gnats? If not, just think of invisible blood suckers that leave welts that would impress a mere mosquito. They are my summer nemesis!

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  7. The mosquito have been awful! I have more bites already than I did the entire summer last year. It's ridiculously hot already though, 84 degrees at 7:45 in the morning, no thanks!

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  8. So not looking forward to those damn roaches! If they could just stay away until the hoy roommate shows up I would be forever grateful. I'm the same way with mosquitos. I'm already well on my way to 100 bites and have a spoon in my freezer just chillin (ha) waiting to be put on said bites.

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    1. Boy roommate...I realized that could've gone either way between boy or hot. I meant boy.

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  9. I adore summer...you will not bring me down with your Debbie Downer criticisms (I'm joking of course) :)
    We call them Palmetto bugs...they are so gross! I love the drawn picture-very creative. Our cat leaves them upside down on the coffee table. I'm scrolling right past those ice cream pictures, I just got over my craving yesterday...what are you trying to do to me!! :)

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  10. My goal is to one day be able to walk from my towel to the water without feeling so awful about my body. Ugh.

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  11. omg that tree roach thing. I would die. I love that Bauer brings you offerings though!!

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  12. I hate to be hot. I hate humidity. I hate bugs. Soooo basically, I am not the biggest fan of summer because of those things running rapid here in the deep south!

    How do you teach your cat to not be afraid of bugs? Livy was hissing and ran from an ant on the floor this weekend. An ant!!! I can't imagine what she would do with one of those huge roach things. I hate those damn things ughhhhhh.

    Let's grab some ice cream, sit inside, and bitch about how we can't wait to hide our bodies under our cardigans again :)

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  13. sweating in dresses and skirts has to be the worst thing about summer.

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  14. Sorry I'm a summer lover here, but you knew that.

    We have those roaches here too, they are called Palmetto bugs and ours fly. I HATE them!!

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  15. Mosquitos are drawn to me too. It's really annoying. Where I live there really aren't any but I've been eaten alive on vacation while my husband just got a few. Summer is kind of overrated. I love the warmer weather (it doesn't get super cold or hot here anyway) but it's not like we get a summer vacation anymore. I'm still going to work everyday!

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  16. I'm embracing the heat this summer because winter just sucked. Even the sweat & bugs. Happy Monday!

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  17. I don't like being hot or sweaty but I do love summer though I would like a nice 70 degrees year round. It just gives me so much more energy. I am always the one getting bit by mosquito's too I totally thinks it's because we are too sweet! ;)

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  18. Bahaha! Luckily I have dogs, so they just try to eat the roaches. Ugh. I hate them though!

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  19. I used to be a summertime scrooge... no more!!

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  20. Yep I live down south so the heat and humidity is pretty crazy, my summer to do list..hopefully limit to only 3 showers daily LOL no one should sweat this much just standing outside!

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  21. I hadn't ever heard of seasonal bucket lists until I blogged. Sometimes, I think about doing such a list, but then I forget. Um we have those bugs year round in Florida. They are looking for water and are so gross. When we lived in NY as a kid, if you had a smaller version you were probably dirty. But in Florida, it's all about the climate. Thank the lord for monthly pest control! Uggh

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  22. Haha the roaches and sweat! So true for me too. Actually I was at a friend's house Saturday night and her dog helped us trap and kill one. They are just so gross!

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  23. agh the first one!! you're killing me lol i hate bugs

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  24. I am so happy we have a mutual hatred for summer. Love thjs post!

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  25. Bahahahaha! This is awesome!
    I'm not really a summer scrooge but I don't really like being outdoors PERIOD. I like having a breeze come in or looking out and seeing green - but otherwise, no thanks!

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  26. hahaha you are right, none of these are on my summer bucket list. But I'm afraid I can't join you as a summer scrooge, as I do love my summer months. But I vow not to take an instagram of my car thermometer (people actually do that?!).

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  27. It's ok, I was a summer time Scrooge when I lived in Houston too. Even here where it doesn't get as hot or as humid I still can't wait for those days when I can be outside all day without sweating to death.

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  28. Raises hand! I hate summer, I hate summer in FL. I made a list still, actually somebody made it for me...I figured I should be better about being less miserable with a kid now. Although if I had a pool, I'd live in that sucker.

    Your roach story horrifies me. We have them, but nobody eats them. They just scurry and make me flee. ugh.

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  29. Ahh I loved this post! I really did laugh out loud when I read it and I even read it out loud to David. I HATE those car thermometer pictures. People do it in the winter, too. I understand it's hot or it's cold. I'm experiencing it, too. So, stop it! I enjoy iced coffee year round, too. Sometimes the heat can be a little stifling and you need a cold drink even in the dead of winter.

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  30. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who sweats so much that I think maybe I had an accident. We did yard work outside for a few hours the other day and everything...EVERYTHING was soaked through. HATE IT! I haven't seen any tree roaches yet this summer--but now that I just said that I'm sure I'll see one today. Maybe Cambpell will get it. He usually just tries to make them his friends.

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  31. Weather wise San Diego doesn't really have "Summer". Lots of folks inland do though and they all flock to the beaches I'm at year round making them completely unbearable. No parking, crowded boardwalks, screaming children. I avoid the beach like the plague from mid June through mid September.

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  32. Three cheers for Houston summers! It's fun to sweat in a million+ degrees! Yeah!

    I will say I probably don't hate summer as much as you do, but I agree with all of these things, except for #1. Aurora is terrified of everything and can't kill a bug to save her life. She just stares at them from afar. Luckily I don't get bugs very often and when I do, they are small...the perks of living on the 2nd floor!

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