Wednesday, September 10, 2014

losing my voice

I think if you know me, and especially if you know blog me, then you know that I am mostly as I seem (within reason - I don't want to put ALL my business on the internet). I don't have opinions about books but I have tons about food. I don't love movies but I could binge watch a good TV series all day (please note that "good" can mean Emmy-award winning or a Lifetime movie...). My point is, and to quote my favorite TV doctor Danny Castellano, I'm all in. I don't pretend to be something other than me in real life or on my blog because, quite honestly, that takes a lot of time, and as I often say, lazy always wins.

I have thoughts I share readily. I want to challenge you and be challenged. If you hate a food, I want to know when you last tried it and see if you're open to doing so again. If you love the gym, I want to know what motivates you so maybe it will get me back in my long-dusty running shoes. I want to know the whys and the hows and expect that you want to know them, too. But apparently, to some, the whys and the hows, the questions and the prodding and the difference in opinion comes across as judgement or disapproval.

So what about the times when being me is less than palatable to someone else? When someone feels that I'm not who I seem, that the goods they purchased in building a relationship with me weren't what I advertised? How does one toe the line between IDGAF and caring enough to want to change, to be better, or to at least listen to some criticism? Can you ever go too far when being yourself and not caring what other people think?

I've lately been told that I crossed a line, I went too far, and there's no going back. Just being me wasn't enough and the effort required was too much. It's been a tough pill to swallow. On the one hand, I want to accept the criticism, to be better, and to over-explain myself and my feelings. On the other hand, IDGAF. I'm me and I never pretended otherwise. I don't want to hurt feelings or come across badly, but I can be blunt and I will share how I feel. It's part of the friendship experience - we all have something different we can bring, so let's discuss it, right?

This recent experience has made me feel like I've lost my voice. I want to talk about my house must-haves, but if I don't like something in a house and you have it in yours, will you think I'm judging you? I overthink comments and text messages and the things I say in fear that any semblance of disagreement will come across as negativity. I want to keep asking the whys, keep voicing my opinions, but I worry about how it will come across. I don't like that. I like being me, as tactless and upfront and enthusiastic and opinionated as I can be. I can also be loyal and empathetic and encouraging. It's all a part of the package.

So today I confess that I do GAF. I want to be me, and I want that to be enough.

linking up with Kathy

23 comments:

  1. girl, you be you. not everyone will have the same opinions and that's ok! there are parenting things that parents do and while i would never do that with kayla, that doesn't mean they're wrong - it must means it doesn't work for us but it's cool if it works for them.

    so yes, don't give a fuck! unless you're outright mean about things (ie. you totally destroy/bash a certain home decor thing) then people may take offense but if it's just not your style and you say that, that's totally ok. i read blogs that have posts about drinking and going out and getting wasted and man, that is so not my jam but that's what they do to have fun meanwhile, my idea of fun is staying home to organize or clean which is so not their jam LOL.

    a difference of opinions is what makes life interesting so DO YOU! to hell with what everyone else thinks :)

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  2. I second everything Kathy said. Be you! If that pushes someone away, then maybe that is what's best. I tend to over-think everything way too much as well. But I am slowly learning that the people who really love/like you, will appreciate differences in opinion.

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  3. I can't even think what you could have said that offended someone enough to say something to you? Was this in blog-land or "real life"? Sorry you're feeling that way :(

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  4. I definitely think you should continue to be you on here! You should be allowed to have opinions on here, it's your blog, it's where you should be expected to express yourself :) I've read a few of your posts and can't imagine what would offend anyone... if you don't like something that I enjoy I'm not going to think you're a horrible judgemental person haha. Not everyone is going to like ALL the same things! So don't worry girl. XO I like your blog, it's great!

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  5. First of all, I'm really glad you finally found a way to articulate what's been floating around in your head. It's easy, when someone bashing you to your core, to want to stay silent and to second guess everything you do. I'm guilty of it. Everyone is. But the fact is, there are always going to be people out there different from us--and their intolerance of us has more to say about them and their life than it does about us and ours. We are not designed for everyone to like us. I wish we could all be a little more tolerant of each other most days, but that's a fantasy world. We are going to rub people the wrong way. I come across as annoying more often than not. And it's something I've struggled with--but I don't know how to be any other way. It's who I am. I am enthusiastic, excitable and loud. And if someone hates that? Yeah, it hurts. But I don't know how to be anyone else. Just like you don't.

    I love that you're strong and opinionated even when our opinions differ. I like people who seem confident in themselves, and you always seemed that way to me. Shake it off and raise your voice up. Most of us like to hear it. We're here for a reason...

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  6. It is good to know you haven't been catfishing us.

    But seriously, you know how I feel about all this... and I don't blame you for caring but I also think at some point it's not you, it's them.

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  7. DGAF, if someone doesn't like you because you have a different opinion that's just BS. Different opinions make life interesting.

    Real friends don't dump you over disagreements anyway.

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  8. I think you need to go back to IDGAF! Who cares what people say? Not everyone is going to agree with your or like you but you have to do you. Do what makes you happy. Say/write what makes you happy. You can't please everyone or make sure you're always being politically correct, because where's the fun in that, so you might as well just be who you are...who is pretty fantastic as far as I can tell!

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  9. So this is a weird analogy, but I'm going to go with it. I'm very allergic to cherries. Ever since I first had them I've always gotten sick. It's to the point where even if I smell or taste artificial cherries, I can't stand it. Real or artificial, everything about cherries are disgusting to me.

    PEOPLE GET SO INSULTED BY THIS. Almost every time a person finds out about my allergy they want to challenge me in some way. They usually go on and on about their favorite cherry food and how I'm missing out on it. They ask me how I can possible not like something with cherries in it.

    It taught me at a very young age that sometimes people can't handle someone having a different opinion even if there is a very rational reasoning behind it.

    I wouldn't worry about offending people because people get offended over the dumbest of things. Like how I don't like cherries due to my cherry allergy.

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  10. I like this post. We all GAF, really, and we have to in order to have relationships - but people need to accept other people for who they are and not wish they were someone else. That's not how it works!

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  11. You know my feelings on this. Discourse is vital to life. What fun would it be if we all agreed on everything, if we all liked the same things, if we all colored with the same crayons?

    You disliking something is not a judgement or disapproval of someone else. It's a disconnect between you and a material thing, an idea, a geography. Anyone who is a true friend will know that.

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  12. You can't please everyone all the time and even as I type this I know I need to listen to my own advice because there are certain things I don't even mention on my blog for fear of offending anyone. I WANT to put more of my opinions out there; I mean what's the point of having your very own internet space dedicated to you if you are afraid to be yourself and write what you want? Let's both work on it!!

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  13. Differences in opinion is why there are 64 colors in a crayon box. No one is going to like everything you do and vice versa. Don't let it get you down, if they are unwilling to have differences it is not worth it.

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  14. I think you just need to be you! We aren't all going to like the exact same things, and to be honest...it gets a little boring when I see the same five things on ten different blogs in a day. I want to see something different too! I think you are one of the more real bloggers out there, and I would hate to think that someone is discouraging you from speaking your mind or posting about the things you like or dont like. I say efffff them!

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  15. girl be you.
    seriously.
    i have a friend that takes things so personally and remembers EVERYTHING when I say i don't like something. Like I don't like olives so now everytime I'm with her she'll be like 'oh she doesnt want olives' and i'm like i'm ordering a freaking beer! no olives?! wtf? and thats a bad example but its anything i say. i am a blunt person and i speak my mind and 9 times out of ten i change my mind, so whatever.
    its hard though, i get hurt when people get offended by something i say. but i can't not say what im thinking, within reason of course, and if someone is really truly offended by something than they can't really know me or like me, so thats that.
    Be you! :)

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  16. Girl you be you!! Who cares what other people think?! This is your blog and you can do and say what you want, and if people don't want to see it, then that's their issue, not yours!!

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  17. Well personally, I like you better when you're not G-ingAF! But you knew that ;)

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  18. I know there are people that think I cross lines, too. I don't care and here's why: none of the reasons I "cross" those lines are important. I talk about farts/poop/etc. Big deal. Is it raunchy to some? Sure. But I'm not crossing a line by being mean to someone, etc - I think that THAT is when you need to pay more attention to how you behave. Otherwise - fuck it!

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  19. I love this post! I think it's so important to just be you. There is so much pressure in blogland to only say your opinions when they're positive, and to refrain from saying anything that readers may disagree with. It's ridiculous though...the whole point of blogging is to put yourself and your thoughts out there. People should be confident enough in who they are and what they like and think that they can handle someone asking about it, or having a different opinion. You keep being you!!

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  20. Totally be you...honestly if you weren't you, we wouldn't be here keeping up with your blog :) Did someone get upset over things you want for your new house? Seriously!? They aren't living there. I think you present your opinions in a very respectful manner. Keep on being you!!!

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  21. I've been told that I commonly push the line. I've had to stop caring because I'm exactly like you. When someone calls me on it, I second guess all the things I love about myself. Did they take what I said the wrong way? I want to explain it all away, because I have valid reasons for my reactions, but at the same time, I don't. If you're going to be butthurt over something I said, I don't need that in my life.

    I've never pretended to be a nice person. I happily (and with loud enthusiam) will tell you what is on my mind. I don't have time for bullshit, so I don't give bullshit. I just wish people understood that.

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  22. i think often times people can be too sensitive to other peoples likes/dislikes, thoughts/opinions, etc. Keep asking questions because you want to know the why. keep giving your opinion if that is how you really feel, but be open to differing thoughts, but most importantly - if people can't be open to your thoughts then they aren't playing fair. They dont have to agree, but they need to understand you have that right.

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  23. Awww, Lauren. I've thought about this a lot. I think fear of offending people is what's kept me from writing more about choosing to live child free for so long.. People can be so sensitive and defensive (myself included, and even about the smallest stuff).

    The thing is, the people who know and love us, they do call us on out on our shit, just in a loving and helpful way. A few offensive words or actions don't change the way they think or feel about us. GAF about those people. F the rest of them :)

    P.S. I hate hardwood floors and blue paint in pretty much any shade.

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I like comments and read them all but I'm not great about responding to them, so please don't be offended. I would much rather visit your blog instead!