I have thoughts I share readily. I want to challenge you and be challenged. If you hate a food, I want to know when you last tried it and see if you're open to doing so again. If you love the gym, I want to know what motivates you so maybe it will get me back in my long-dusty running shoes. I want to know the whys and the hows and expect that you want to know them, too. But apparently, to some, the whys and the hows, the questions and the prodding and the difference in opinion comes across as judgement or disapproval.
So what about the times when being me is less than palatable to someone else? When someone feels that I'm not who I seem, that the goods they purchased in building a relationship with me weren't what I advertised? How does one toe the line between IDGAF and caring enough to want to change, to be better, or to at least listen to some criticism? Can you ever go too far when being yourself and not caring what other people think?
I've lately been told that I crossed a line, I went too far, and there's no going back. Just being me wasn't enough and the effort required was too much. It's been a tough pill to swallow. On the one hand, I want to accept the criticism, to be better, and to over-explain myself and my feelings. On the other hand, IDGAF. I'm me and I never pretended otherwise. I don't want to hurt feelings or come across badly, but I can be blunt and I will share how I feel. It's part of the friendship experience - we all have something different we can bring, so let's discuss it, right?
This recent experience has made me feel like I've lost my voice. I want to talk about my house must-haves, but if I don't like something in a house and you have it in yours, will you think I'm judging you? I overthink comments and text messages and the things I say in fear that any semblance of disagreement will come across as negativity. I want to keep asking the whys, keep voicing my opinions, but I worry about how it will come across. I don't like that. I like being me, as tactless and upfront and enthusiastic and opinionated as I can be. I can also be loyal and empathetic and encouraging. It's all a part of the package.
So today I confess that I do GAF. I want to be me, and I want that to be enough.
linking up with Kathy